KRAZE KITCH BAKESHOP: May 2011

Disclaimer: This is probably an angst-y blog.

This next cupcake project is an eye-opener for me. A blast from my past, I guess. Gone are the days when as a little girl I would play in my carton dollhouse with my classic toys: Rainbow Brite, Smurfs, Betsy Clark, CareBears and... Strawberry Shortcake.

What started of as a simple cupcake project turned out to be a major research homework for me. Apparently, at some point in the last 20 years someone, somewhere, decided that is was time to rehash all our favorite classic characters and "sexualize" them. Yes, that is the politically correct term from what I gather. Sexualize.

Looking for pegs for my strawberry shortcake cupcakes, I started to panic because I couldn't find any. Instead, there was.. this... GIRL.

I mean, who the hell IS that???

Is that Mandy Moore cartoonized? But Mandy Moore is a brunette. It must be Pink. Naah.. too feminine.

And then.. *GASP* Huwaaaaat?? THAT's Strawberry Shortcake?!? NO. No. No. No..

I'm looking for HER --->

<---- not HER.

Now you know what I'm getting at. So before I begin the baking section of this blog, let me first share the monstrosity of today's cartoon generation.

This is what I'm familiar with: the cute SSC with adorable Precious Moments eyes and curly locks...

And then this came along... still acceptable if you ask me, at least she's a hip SSC with cool friends. I mean denims ARE here to stay anyway.

Now let me introduce you to the new doe-eyed, gotta-have-'em-wispy-bangs Strawberry Shortcake and Friends:

Hahaha.. they look like they had milk rebonds in the same salon! I suppose short locks are now a fashion faux pas, eh?

So what exactly is this sexualization that is happening in yesterday's fave cartoons? I decided to randomly check out which of the characters I know have been outrageously morphed into unrecognizable counterparts of themselves. You WOULDN'T believe the things I've found.

Read on. Oh. Hold on to your chairs first. And prepare your words of Zen. Wooo-saaah...

Remember this?

They're cute, they're cuddly, all of them look chunky..

At the turn of the century... TA-DAH!!!

They're thin, they're scraggly, with hair-dos that amuse me.

It just looks wrong. Their chests are now drawn in pencil. They had to have signature bangs. They look way younger than their originals. I mean, what are Baby Hugs and Tugs now? Fetuses?

*sigh*

I suppose as long as their chest icons are the same, as long as their colors don't change and as long as their noses and paws are hearts they'll always pass as the Care Bears. Sadness.

Now, let's move along...

Ah, Tinkerbell!! You're so sexy and such a pixie vixen, there's really not much to sexualize about you anymore. So they can't do wrong, can they?

YES!! They CAN!!

This one couldn't have come from the Tinkerbell and Peter Pan movies. No Way.

Perhaps there's a new Robin Hood sequel that I haven't heard of and they hired Tink to cross over due to budget cuts. At least they let you keep your pompom shoes.

NEXT!!!

"AQUI! AQUI! ME!! I'm NEXT!!!"

Hokay Dora. You're next. You asked for it.

Awwww......Lookie! They gave you a makeover! You're all grown up now. Isn't that nice?

I wonder how the "Backpack, backpack" segment goes with this new Dora. Somehow "Handbag, handbag" doesn't sound right.

You wait little girl.. At the rate they're going, give or take a few more years and they'll have you looking like this too!

Ay caramba! Que horror!

Let me now move on to my favorite character of all-time.

The one I'd pretend to be.

The reason why I put stars on my face and memorized the order of the colors of the rainbow before I could count.

The reason why my parents gave me a pony at the age of 5. (Ok, that's a lie.)

RAINBOW BRITE. (Applause!!!)

And Rainbow Brite FAIL.

A sexualized Rainbow Brite that doesn't seem sexy at all. I mean, what is that? Rainbow Brite Asianized? What's with the chinky eyes? Even on the poor horse! Starlite after an eyelift? And to think I'm Asian!

I just feel so affected by this concerted effort to make old dolls more sellable and marketable to the children of today. As if our classic favorites weren't good enough. No wonder a lot of the kids nowadays are so fashionably high-maintenance, there's this extra pressure to look better than their toys! I guess there's another reason I ought to be grateful I got a baby boy. I'd hate to have a baby girl who'd end up like those little girls I'd like to spank silly.

So anyway.. moving on...

After coming to terms with myself and letting the anger go, I finally came up with the cupcake ideas I needed. The final cupcake tower turned out like this: